thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
