We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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