Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
