grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
