I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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