im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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