went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
