Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
