my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
