quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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