I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
