oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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