Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
the day after is always just damage control
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Never underestimate the power of titties
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