After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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