I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
