I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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