you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
no you cant smoke seaweed
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
