Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
