My hand turned me down
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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