Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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