he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
