I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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