I faked an abortion last night.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
