wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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