Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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