If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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