ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Randomize
