I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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