The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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