Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Green mimosas i think yes
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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