Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
