if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize