You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
