i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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