Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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