you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
