I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
