it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
