i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
