Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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