I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
