i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
