Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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