i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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