the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
