Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Sext me about skeletons
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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