i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
