apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
