Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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