remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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