none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
