I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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