I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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