you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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