Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i will never coherently bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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