why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
