Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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