I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
would you consider him our boss?
then technically i slept with our boss
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?