Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights