You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
