I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
