You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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