I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
