i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I look better un-naked...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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