I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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