i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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