hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
