Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
