do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So apparently I’m into choking now
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