I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
