..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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