I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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