this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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