he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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