I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
