i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I need moral support for this bender
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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