two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
